My wife left a note on the fridge, “It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to mom’s” …
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
— Bob Kostic (@causticbob) May 9, 2018
mom “you better behave when the family is over for dinner”
me “why are they even coming? don’t they have food at home?”
— honestly! (@famreview) May 9, 2018
my name is Brian Andrew Mariano because my mom likes the baby from the Flinstones and wanted my initials to be BAM so yeah i guess that says everything about me you need to know
— Brian™ (@TwitchKong) May 9, 2018
Mom: I carry you in my stomach for 9 years!
Me: isn’t it 9 months?
Mom: each month feel like a year!#FunnyThingsMomsSay
— I hate your mom (@TheOpinion4444) May 9, 2018
my mom was upset I told her we can’t do prom pics at our house bc we don’t have a pool…this was her solution pic.twitter.com/KICGjbMtEP
— car (@carolineaalbert) May 9, 2018
When I was younger, my mom would always tell me to pack “just in case” outfits.
So if I’m coming to spend a night at your house for a day, don’t ask me why my suitcase is full. I had to stuff my whole closet in there… just in case. 🤷🏻♀️
— Mya Jazalyn (@myajazalyn) May 9, 2018
I hate when people call me lame bc my parents are strict, I’m sorry that your mom lets you do meth on your porch but that’s not how we roll
— ♚JUNIORS♚ (@The2019Seniors) May 9, 2018
Me: Mom, want to go to the movies?
Mom: Yes, I’d love to. What time?
Me: The movie starts at 5:00PM
Mom: Oh, don’t they have anything sooner or later?
Me: I’ll check mom. OK, yes, we can go at 3:00 or 7:00
Mom: Why can’t we just go at 5:00?
— Alice Wonders (@MrsArthur3) May 9, 2018
never again am i gonna ask my mom to bring me lunch to work…🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😂 pic.twitter.com/VQslp9fbm3
— faith 🌻 (@faithiikinss) May 9, 2018
If my mom hears you call it a “liberry” she will not use her inside voice when correcting you. #MothersPetPeeves
— Will Presti (@WillPresti) May 9, 2018
When you forgot to get the meat out of the freezer and you hear your mom in the driveway pic.twitter.com/cUS7ErBmay
— Maddy ® (@M_HendrixSonn) May 9, 2018
Mom misquoted pop songs like “The Pina Colada Song” became “if you love bean enchiladas…” #MomQuotes
— Shannon McManus (@ShannonSkyFall) May 9, 2018
I’ve heard of ‘wine moms’ but are ‘nap moms’ a thing?
I want to be one of those.
— iamquiteadorable ✨ (@adorableinNE) May 8, 2018
if my mom thinks I’m about to eat gumbo in 90 degree weather….
She’s absolutely correct
— hailsss (@haileee_j) May 8, 2018
As a swimmer in high school, my mom would say to my teammates after a meet, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!” #MomQuotes
— HughVandivier (@HughVandivier) May 8, 2018